...si trova in corridorio adesso...ed io sul letto nella camera vuota, che era la mia per un po'... Mi sento vuota anch'io...cosa sarà la vita al di là del parete? Non cambia proprio niente...lo so. La Julia, come sarà come coinquilina? Come sarà il nuovo semestre? ...Be'....direi quando si è tristi e perduti si può fare solo una cosa...andare sul balcone a fare delle bolle di sapone...e così vado. Chiedelo al vento...

Yesterday was the wedding of my cousin...I enjoyed myself a lot being there...I knew quite a lot of people...most of all, the windsurf-community of course and then my family obviously. Imagine that now, immediately she seems quite a lot of older than me...non ho mai fatto il caso. Naja... Then I accompagnied the daughter of my older cousin to the preparation of her confirmation. (It's only by looking at the english word that I understand a lot more about it...that's why I support doing it at an older age than she has now...when it would really be her choice. For me it wasn't my choice...I mean what did I know...?!) Anyway..we talked about faith/reliance/trust...which is all one word in german ;) I like becoming part of her life, I really do...
Then there was the story of the guy who suddendly changed his name...he's Markus now...I mean Markus?! I don't get it. Some things must have obviously happend...I can't imagine what makes you change your whole life like that.. I mean, I'd be another person if I was called Melanie, right? I can't imagine to suddenly let the people call me Salome (even though more would be able to pronounce that..)
My new room's set btw...it's still strange to be here...I mean it still has to become my room...(I'm sure I gonna walk into Julias a couple of times..) There's much more room, I got a whole Sehnsucht-Wand and I'm sure it's gonna be a good time here...
Lif'e is btw...a shaggy dog story...but surprised are good at times I'm sure.

Quería tan sólo intentar vivir lo que tendía a brotar espontáneamente de mí. ¿Por qué había de serme tan difícil? --> for how long will every inch of this world remind me of you??

That's it for today... I'm still waiting for Julia to come and then it's time to get some sleep before I go back to USI tomorrow...
My Haarverlängerungs-Hair. It was incredibly long...now it's gone..right now I feel like cutting it right off..but well till I get to someone who could do it... Anyway...

uff...I'm sitting here in university because internet is not yet working at home... I woke up this morning with a guy talking loudly in our hallway...later I found out that he came to the door telling my roommate: "your bathroomlight's not working..." We didn't know until that point ;)
Yesterday I got saved from having to spend a night at the trainstation in Milano...lucky me....Incredibile thought, that Isabel needed a lift right the same evening. Was great stopping somewhere in front of the boarder and getting a beer out in the freezing cold :) (The huge danish beer wasn't the best choice...I was happy with my Fosters) So, thanks Fe!!!
I had been coming back from Bologna were I spent yet another strange time...it's has been a relief to finally being able to talk without pretending anything...so I'm thankful for that...but obviously I'm also confused and all and don't actually know much right now...
Now I'm gonna have to clean up my life a little bit, starting with my room which is just one huge mess.
Good news arrived today: Heather's going to University...And she's studying comunication...haha. I'm proud of you my little sister!

Speedy Pizza's no longer speedy Pizza!! that's pretty sad I'd say!! Today a wonderful day for going to the lake and relax, read and write! Thank you Anna for a wonderful idea! (I read a book talking about me!!)
Oh and of course...happy valentine's day to everyone...(I'm not serious obviously..)

sitting here in uri is pretty strange...it's pretty windy outside but totally silent here in the house...only me and my dad are there and he's already gone to bed. Yesterday I went to see a friend of mine or something like it, I hardly know her. But I got to meet her friends and they were wonderful. We had a good laugh, maded some plans for the future and I went to carneval ;) (horrible!) Zurich...it's not that interesting but well...it's nice to make your bed where you lay down your head...
Tomorrow I'm gonna meet an old friend and then go to Carneval in Uri to meet some more old friends...Since I've done the whole drinking story already on friday...I'm not totally ready for Carneval I feel...anyway...there's other bits and pieces to be done in the next couple of days...won't be boring I'd say....


today I was shopping with my dad...ok... I'm one of those famous "töchterli"...anyway, gotta go snowboarding again I'd say ;)

Meri said I should read that poem...freaking hell...it's just so great!!! Check it out...

In den Sand geschrieben
Dass das Schöne und Berückende
Nur ein Hauch und Schauer sein,
Dass das Köstliche, Entzückende,
Holde ohne Dauer sei:

Wolke, Blume, Seifenblase,
Feuerwerk und Kinderlachen,
Frauenblick im Spiegelglase
Und viel andre wunderbare Sachen,
Dass, sie , kaum entdeckt, vergehen,
Nur von Augenblickes Dauer,
Nur ein Duft und Windeswehen,
Ach, wir wissen es mit Trauer.

Und das Dauerhafte, Starre
ist uns nicht so innig teuer:
Edelstein mit kühlem Feuer
Glänzendschwere Goldesbarre,
Selbst die Sterne, nicht zu zählen,
Bleiben fern und fremd, sie gleichen
Uns Vergänglichen nicht erreichen
Nicht das Innerste der Seelen.

Nein, es scheint das innigst Schöne,
Liebenswerte dem Verderben
Zugeneigt, stets nah am Sterben,
Und das Köstlichste: die Töne
Der Musik, die im Entstehen
Schon enteilen, schon vergehen,
Sind nur Wehen, Ströme, Jagen
Und umweht von leiser Trauer,
Denn auch nicht auf Herzschlags Dauer
Lassen sie sich halten, bannen;
Ton um Ton, kaum angeschlagen,
Schwindet schon und rinnt von dannen.

So ist unser Herz dem Flüchtigen,
Ist dem Fließenden, dem Leben
Treu und brüderlich ergeben,
Nicht dem Festen, Dauertüchtigen.

Bald ermüdet uns das Bleibende,
Fels und Sternwelt und Juwelen,
Uns in ewigem Wandel treibende
Wind- und Seifenblasenseelen,
Zeitvermählte, Dauerlose,
Denen Tau am Blatt der Rose,
Denen eines Vogels Werben,
Eines Wolkenspieles Sterben,
Schneegeflimmer, Regenbogen,
Falter, schon hinweg geflogen,
Denen eines Lachens Läuten,
Das uns im Vorübergehen
Kaum gestreift, ein Fest bedeuten
Oder wehtun kann: Wir lieben,
Was uns gleich ist, und verstehen,
Was der Wind in den Sand geschrieben!

Hermann Hesse

...not actually..but I left the house with that song today..totally frightend once again. Went all right expect from my not available respect for the italian language ;) (Ho mescolato presente, passato remoto, prossimo e tutt'altro così per caso..)
Anyway...that's it. Wow...that's it. I'm free of the books. Feels pretty strange. I kinda feel like going to Carneval tonight...kinda. Dunno if it's the same as in Uri down here...anyway..Isa can decide in the end. Nice having her around tonight..and tomorrow we'll have a nice picnic at the lake...yeaaaaah! I'm looking forward to the upcoming 2 weeks...they're gonna be just great I hope.

...in Chicago, wo mich keiner kennt...ich komm nie mehr ich bin in Chicago..in Chicago..dort wo niemand, niemand meinen Namen nennt... (Mit ihrem sonnigen Traum vor Augen..läuft sie durch den Regen!)

So....I'm happy that I'm called Aschwanden today... a stupid, in most languages unpronouncable name (which even annoyes me pronouncing it in german rather than swiss german)...but everything has it good sides to it..
I was the first one to do the oral informatic exam today...yeah yeah...(do I have to say that I hate internet explorer? ;) )and then back home and somehow I ended up sleeping ;) While others waited for about 4 hours to finally get to do it...
Today we've studied" storia e teoria della comunicazione" --> the last and most interesting exam...tomorrow english...doing it with Tina so that's fine.
Nice moments today....

• the moment after the commemoration of my ability to walk into street-light-pales while just walking along
• sitting in Ursinas room without her being there and without a clue where she could be...I could become a private eye though ;)
• 29 of January...first shorts -day ..yeah!!! Summer can come...on Friday...fuck why's life so much brighter when the sun shines? (rhetorical question)

Found that poem today...kinda struck me don't know how... give it a read and learn some more vocab as always with them classic poems :)

If by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!


proofreading should be done in the stuff I write here ;) But well...

Oh shit...maybe I'm supersticious..wouldn't that be horribile? I mean, ok imaginary friends, voices, stupid habits, up in clouds and all....but supersticious?? Yes...anyway...tomorrow too I will not go to that next bloody exam without

1. Rangitahiwai 2. Franco 3. My SUPER-RA shirt...

is that so bad? I mean it gives me confidence somehow. It's good that I once went to a Cambridge exam and left that stuff at home..fucking afraid...but passed. Still...I'm not gonna try the next days... So far it's going ok, some fear has fallen of from me, just three to go...
I'll miss it a lot to have some kind of family..I mean all the people eating with us right now...people walking in and out as if it would be normal...and that in our small as flat... We laught a lot, makes us think about other stuff...there's a life apart from Uni...we just don't remember where to look for it exactly...
Today I got invited for something I haven't yet decided about... I mean it's kinda and invitation to go back to my personal hell. Might just as well do it though... I've become somebody else anyway...a little bit. I can face my demonds now. Maybe it'll help me find out about certain things...
The other day I found a piece of something I wrote during summer...it stroke me like I dont know what... here it is...

Forse si deve solamente smettere a respirare. Senza respiro non si riesce a pensare, non sie riesce neanche a provare qualcosa, soffrire. Ma forse si vuole capire che qualcosa fa male, che non tutto va bene, per capire che si è vivi. Per rendersi conto che ci sono anche delle cose che sono giuste, belle. Che si può essere felice anche se si ha un campo di battaglia dentro di se. Può darsi che il cuore ti racconta delle bugie o non è talmente sincero. Il cuore ama le storie. Comunque forse siamo anche noi che non siamo pronti per ascoltare quello che ci racontano le nostre cuori...?! Ci sono delle cose ad accetare e forse anche delle cose a dimenticare...
So...that's how I thought back then and now???

Today I'd say... if heart battles against head...belly will win.

Things tend to turn out very much diffrent from what we imagine them, maybe even wish them to be....so what?! Get up, get out...summer's coming back. And summer...that's the time to be fucking happy...

ok...a whole day of eco...economy. I still don't like it even though Ursina and mine italo-german mixes and simple examples for not so simple theories can be kinda funny sometimes...
Outside.. it's very warm... January in Lugano is like Mai in Uri ;) I'm invited to a party next saturday and I'm looking forward to it...I think I'll know two people who're gonna be there and it'll be quite a trip to get there...but I like train-trips if they'reworth it...and I surely gotta get amongst people...two months of holidays coming up....yeah... (I know that it's only two weeks..but you're allowed to dream, right??)
Tonight indian food cooked by my roommate...soon I'm gonna move...(to the other side of the wall...I'm totally looking forward to redecorating...) and there's a lot of decoration plans in our flat...I'm nervous I just found out, trembling a bit. But it should be ok I guess... I mean I understand most of the stuff he could ask tomorrow....we'll see...
I haven't quite decited yet..if I wanna go to Carneval or not... I mean I'd go in Uri actually...maybe.. (and I would surely regret it..) I'd have the perfect dress-up idea...hmm (But I swore that I wouldn't go there anymore...drinking is not the answer ;) )

my quote of the day...:I'm one of those regular weird people. (Janis Joplin)

she's the one...she sure is...



27....that always makes me think...

....oggi...mangiando l'ho trovato l'idea perefetta: JOVANOTTI for president!
and later...on the balkony..just an hour of relaxing and enjoying the sun I knew that I'd rather be independent again... be everywhere and nowhere with people and guitars in the sun... so summer has to come back to us...and it will! next friday. Indy-Ra quindi...

Und unser Wok hat übrigens einen Deckel...(das Leben verliert hier an Konsistenz...)

Just doing the usual trade-off today... (ogni scelta quantitativa e una scelta al margine..)...uff... thirsday 18.15...f***....I'd need some advice from you....but you're busy with other stuff as usual...and so I'm shaking... yeah...I'm shaking (not in the dancing-way..) and it seems to be starting all over again...and outside is a concert...and I'm actually fine.

Coz..I mean...good old Simone de Beauvoir said: Change your life today. Don't gamble on the future, act now, without delay. (just in french I guess..) ;)