25. of Januar...first t-shirt day of this year.. (means: left the house with nothing else on...I know lame joke ;) ) But that moment there was pretty close to perfect..a good song in my ear...me singing along silently...some lady coming up to me.."ma non hai freddo..." con un sorriso :), ho anche parlato col vicino preferito...quello con la famiglia...(ne parlo più tardi ancora..) e poi...la Anna gridando dal altro lato dell'uni: "Raaaaaaaa"...(might just as well write in English again ;) ) she had done very well in her exam...at least somebody with a bit of success yeah... she hed Rangitahiwai with her...I knew that it brings luck... the sun was shining...and me with the bridest smile on my face...arrived to study bloody Eco with Ursina... and that's about what I've done today...
But one perfect moment isn't too bad right?! There are days who're like that all the time..but maybe it's for the people you're with and all... there is people who can easily safe your day... but maybe there too blind too see...dunno..
Anyway, coming back to the nice neighbour with the kids and all...yesterday I thought about having kids...being a mum and all...just a thought...you know...just a thought. And I liked the idea...I mean you cannot be more "maldestra" than I am right now... but apart from that...I cook for the lot, I listen, I give my opinion, I'm there for the people around me..the ones who want me to (I hope at least I that couldn't do more...)and I guess you can take your happiness out of that if you try...so that's how I passed my day...killing a Cafetiera and all...and then..me going back to studying in the evening...I got a text...and so I went out...and talked and talked... somebody needed to talk...and maybe I did too...so I heard about italians newest political drama... and well..do I have to say that I'm shocked?! Ok...twasn't really what would help to safe that wonderful country...but what's the alternative?! yeah...that's what I think...right.... Well... I'm interested what's gonna come now...
At least good old Switzerland's going back to be less...dunno...if I say right..that wouldn't be right..right? Let's say...I see a more positive future than in the pecoranera time... and well.. I am Swiss you know...Bob...I am Swiss I cannot lie about that.. (ai wennich niä wärdä schnupfä!!!!)Anyway...the family story...so I had had that thought in my head all day...and actually this is the year in which I'm gonna grow up right?! Lately I haven't even been able to look after myself...but given a couple of years...I guess I wanna be a mom some day...(and yeah....I can just write it like that...)
I'm gonna do some work now...before I go to bed... I'm back to taking serious decisions again...yeah Ra's back, the Ra I used to know!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's a piece of paper with "where's Bob" on it on my window...where's Bob????? Am I somebody without Bob? Or just a shape...a block of thoughts-untold, a smile-unseen, I'm a trip to nowhere, I'm a thousand words but maybe...just diffrent signifiant, no diffrent signifié...o well... I miss Bob I guess.

...going crazy I guess...
two more exams today...means 4.30 hours of writing and thinking with a break of 15 minutes...more or less to change building...
Uff...just woke up from 100 years of sleep. Last night went to sleep with a horribile "intelligent business workbook audio cd" ;)
...Anyway...it might be the lack of sleep but I'm finally really going crazy I feel.... I mean i feel followed lately...hear voices n all *haha*... Or maybe it's just that person I can't take my thought of that's following me?!
...

tomorrow at this time it's gonna be 4/8 exams...yeah yeah yeah..nearly over. not really over

anyway...tonight...full moon they say...just was in india for a while... came home with a lot of questions (and only a small amount of time to get some business english words into my head...) and so here are some..affermations instead of questions though.

-You cannot spell believe without lie. (No need for a name)

- Loose ends have their purpose.


Hmm...I dunno??!!

...wikipedia in german...just read, don't think...even books in german...awesome ;)

...to see my name on a list... (for example to be enroled for an english exam)

...to sit there and stare at the wall...sure better than studying stupid stuff...

...to remember how cool Lolle used to be...(yes...I still like Berlin Berlin)

...to get postcards, letters, CDs :) (no actually not sometimes...always!!!)

...to finish exams an hour before all the others..and hope that this doesn't mean they all knew a whole lot more...

....ok..tomorrow first exam..not that it would be suuch a big thing I know...but I can tell you why I'm frightened somehow...It's easy: I've never learned how it is to fail..I mean me..myself and I. I lost a looot of competitions in handball..but we were a team and it wasn't totally my faught ... (even though sometimes I knew that I....) Anyway...tomorrow I might have to learn how it is not to be good enough...not to be able to achieve everything without hardly any effort...lessons most of other people have learned a long time ago. But in the end..it's all a maybe... I will certainly pass some of those exams and the rest...we'll see.. I tried anyway...I tried hard to focus..not to think much about other things (I say I tried..) ....and FRANCO is with me...!!
But on friday I was there for my best friend when maybe she needed me...and I needed to see her. It was good being there...there where I surely don't belong to watch a theater that wasn't much of my kind and so wasn't the concert either... anyway.
It went on with friend-ly faces. Corinne's birthday party was great...the long it lastet for me. See my old mates...meet their new world (PHZ ;)) and just laugh a whole bloody lot and forget about nouns, verbs and articles... Now the list of things to do as soon as this is over has grown longer and longer... I finally wanna get back to life ;)

The pic shows...(obviously a zebra-face ) --> it's actually the elephant one ;)


in diesem sinne...es grüest üches Breitmuulzebra ;)

(Hügel sind, steht man kurz davor, gefühlte Berge.)

..ok I'll just repeat with what I finished yesterday...be told everyday that your crazy... I just made the whole way up from the laundry half-naked...but well... Had dinner and lunch today with the germans... I'll miss the Annas and Jo with their being just like me in many ways. The rest of the day I spent with that one book that I'd love to throw out of the window...but I'm fine. And I gotta plan for me weekend problem. They'll all understand I guess...
what more... well imagine you find a photo and it all comes back to you?! Well it sure did when I saw this...


2 of september....a goodbye night at the wonderful quase-nada. I'd give a loooooooooot to be down in Puglia right now. Sitting at the bar of Ebbrodiblu and drink a nice Cuba libre...have my mates from there around...Roberta, Aurélie, Sabry and Ornella...and of course my little bro Matthias. But well....I'll have Uri-summer soon enough and that means at least windsurfing and maybe ....maybe.... Enough with maybe...I gotta get back to the book.

Manchmal (oder oft) taumelnd durch die Gassen streifen ohne je Anzukommen, aber mit Ziel. Kalter Schauer überzieht die Welt und nur ich, getragen von der Lava des Verwirrten, schwebe fast schon, unterwasser versteht sich. Wir wundern uns immer, woher die Wörter kommen, die Häuser einzustürzen vermögen und wer hat die Symbole gezeichnet, die uns zur Kapitulation- wenn dann richtig- zwingen. Schlichtweg unfassbar haben sie dieses Phänomen genannt, doch sie kannten dich nicht, zum Glück. Ich wundere mich, wie oft wir noch zwinkern können, bevor die Nacht uns das Blindsein aufzwingt. Wir kennen die Sorgen der anderen, wir probieren aus was passen könnte. Schmerzen haben wir abboniert, nur zur Sicherheit.
Ein Seiltänzer ist nicht allein, doch fühlt er sich vielleicht manchmal so. Der Blick über die Schultern gleicht dem Todesurteil und umdrehen existiert nicht imVokabular, das heisst wir wundern uns auch nicht, dass Seiltänzer das Vertrauen erfunden haben, wundern uns ebenfalls nicht, dass es kaum alte Seilartisten gibt.
Doch vielleicht, weil ja jeder- sei er noch so wehleidig - seine Lektion lernen kann und so die Welt kurz auf den Kopf zu stellen vermag, um fest zu schütteln und einzusammeln was rausfällt. Wie so wieder die Zeit vergeht übrigens, der Winter ist bereits immun geworden gegen die Kälte und ich geimpft gegen den Frühling. Der Regen tröpfelt noch vereinzelte Wörter auf mein Haupt und die sind keineswegs ein Scherz sondern was mich nun endlich weckt, rausreist. Grins nicht so blöd, du Zaubergeist und verkneif dir deinen Spott. Das ist ein Kapitel unserer Geschichte jetzt.

...are we actually only sitting in the audience and watch our life pass by? It seems as if my life would be changing right now...more than in the two months maybe... Some of it is slowly moving backwards...to how it used to be in the crappy old days I hardly wanna think about. I mean...me feeling less free and acting the same way...people suddenly appeared back and I swear I kinda had forgotten about them...they remind me of who I used to be...some parts of that Ra I'm still trying to get back..some of it I wanna leave behind. I'm just watching....and my life's also moving forwards. People are leaving, I can already see them gone even if there still here. I wish I could go out of this state I'm in right now...(which has not too much to do with having to study...I mean that's a fact but I'm also very much into this me against the world right now and I guess not everyone likes that..)
Maybe it's just time for a few changes? (Bummer that I changed the blog layout just some time ago...others seem to try it that way...) I could finally cut those bloody hair I guess...but you know... it would be a little bit like cutting of my tattoo...the NZ sun's still in those hair...
Anyway..I've been called a "very good person" today, eccezionale. Did I earn that? Or have I just shown her only the partly truth..who knows. Two people who I once called friends and maybe still do re-appeared in my life today. Thanks to them. They were a piece of reality in this grey day. I'm looking forward to all those marvelous things with you Peace! It's time we continue were we stop back then ;) And you..Wally number 1...I'm a bit worried about you...but I'm sure you're rocking those frogs :) That's it from me today... (that's for you!!! Hope we gonna sing it together again like in the good old days Mitchy!)



btw...never let a day pass without somebody who thinks you're crazy...it's worth it!!

Bisogna trovare il proprio sogno perché la strada diventi facile...
said good old Hermann Hesse...dreams. I'm constantly thinking about dreams now...1. one good friend's just lost his... he gave up more than most other people ever would for it...but it's broken apart now. And I wouldn't ask him if he thinks it was worth it...his answer would be yes. But what can we learn? Isn't the price, all the things we cannot do if we decide to follow a dream, to high?
2. Somebody else said yes to this question a while ago...and so she's constantly asking herself the bloody what if's... and she's crying tears for that lost dream, which might've still been possibile to safe...is it still possibile to safe it? If people have strong dreams like that...you're next to them but they mightn't even see you, because there's something of the missing.
3.What's the right choice then? Follow your dreams whatever that means for your life? I really see it now how "Life against Dream"'s a very strong reality. (And reality is everything that is or could be...Wittgenstein said and Rigotti..hmm ;)) A reality that hurts... I mean I'm not in the position to decide against life...would be stupid anyway. And I'm not so heartless to give up on everything I have believed in in those years...to want to achieve what I've been wishing for in all those years I can remember. So what do I do?! I tryna get both. Let's see how it works out.
4. There's always other dreams as well...and it kinda seems there's dreams that are so big that they don't work if you dream them alone, you need that other persons who dreams as well...with you. ...I'm gonna get back to studying...this is my break right now...my step out into the world...pretty sad.