Today we put up our Christmas tree…yes we do have one… didn’t expect it. Bt it’s ok I guess to have one… I put on the electric lights and arranged the crib….(I’m sure we’re the only ones who have one of the kings riding on a giraffe and the other two being women) It’s Christmas and so there’s some presents there too… I’m happy though to break the circle of family Christmas at home with food and opening presents…it kinda felt strange the last years with me and my bro being too old to explain in the “because of the children”-way… This year I’m doing something positive I feel, a bit of family on the second day and that’s it. Today I’ll have an ice cream and I’ll finally get my personality back. After having been Rahel Z. for a while I’m more than happy to return to being Rahel A. (if you think this is crazy…it’s not…did you get any unusual txt messages from me lately?!) Yes…we’ll re-exchange our mobile phones…Fact is…it’s not the first time I’ve been her (at least in that very substantial and mobile-phone-relationship-shallownessy-way) and she’s been me. This time I missed all the calls…it’s the best when people don’t even recognise there not speaking to her but to me… But it’s sure time to change back…and I sure do feel like an ice cream.
I’m home and for the first time it’s not like for a weekend but for a couple more days… I’m not really comfortable with it, I mean having someone who tells you what to do is kinda annoying. Anyway… there’s other points.. I feel like back in my childhood.. (I’m twenty now, officially my childhood should be over..right?) hearing stuff I don’t even wanna know because I can hear my mom talking about it on the phone… I don’t feel like oppressing anything.... But at the same time I’m absorbing the climate here in Uri, pretty cold. Exept in my dreams where certain people constantly visit me… without leaving any messages of course… or maybe I’m too bloody stupid to read between the lines…or too afraid.
That’s about it…tomorrow’s December 24… and gesù bambino will bring some presents I guess. Still like the idea more than Santa Clause… I mean what’s about’im? That could be the beginning of a whole long speech about why Xmas sucks.. I won’t do it. No… I won’t… coz it can also be about being safe and secure…about warmth (especially in the coldest place on that f***** planet…our house) so just get it that way…and of course take my best wishes…. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh I forgot to mention some things… firstly…last night Christmasparty in Altdorf… I enjoyed myself…wasn’t Christmas like anyway. A lot of people I knew…but nobody who actually annoyed me just be being there…maybe I just didn’t care much. Dancing, had a couple of beers talked to some people…and then walking all the way home with Isa…like in the good old days….midnight (a bit later though) snack…a good day!
And secondly…I already got my fav. Christmas present of that I’m sure…it’s a little bag of self dried plums…nothing to go crazy about… but that’s not the point…it’s about the spirit of Christmas as I’m being told right now… and for me it’s sharing some happiness with someone…without spending a fortune but by paying attention…yeah…I’ll not repeat my column here…anyway the present…what I loved about it is the card….telling me that something I wrote made a difference for that person, made her happy. And I gotta say that I hardly know her. I felt so good right there, happy. It’s always wonderful if somebody knows the right words…and there sure are some people around me…some though don’t even try to say the right thing and prefer saying something rather stupid….most of the time… anyway…thanks for the plums!!!
Lastly; I wonder actually why I don’t like Christmas…too commercial obviously…and the point is….I’m not religious and this is about religion. So why should I be allowed to celebrate? I got that cute star with a bible quote on it the other day…handmade…and it’s made me entirely sad. I’m sure about my attitude towards the church…but sometimes…just for a tiny little moment…I feel as if those over there…them who go to church and get out of it with a bright smile…they share a secret…and I forgot about it on the way.
that's how it looks like..the tree's tiny and that's how it always looked...traditional one could say ;) ...but watch out for the black sheep!
Rahoroi - 23. Dez, 20:16
uff...2008 has started...and I'm sick of studying already ;) I even like that stuff...well mostly...even the economics book's no bitch if you try...but my thoughts go wandering off all the time...are everywhere and nowhere... My brains creates crazy dialogs between whoever...so it doesn't need to concentrate... I'm a bit scared of certain things coming up...the usual..this might be a dissapoinment-stuff...because it would be me the dissapointing one there... Valais was wonderful... the good old ra was back...laughing and being happy...not thinking too much...not being too far away but there. Back home I met an old friend...and we talked and talked and talked...she reminded me on how diffrent people are...she's always been the total opposite... I feel that's she's no longer enviying me for how I am...I feel she - too- is trying to be free now...she looked good. You know...one day I wanna walk up to her and say... remember the hours at school we spent talking about philosophy, the human kind, life... how many of those stupid dreams will have come true?? I hope some my friend :) 
