..ok I'll just repeat with what I finished yesterday...be told everyday that your crazy... I just made the whole way up from the laundry half-naked...but well... Had dinner and lunch today with the germans... I'll miss the Annas and Jo with their being just like me in many ways. The rest of the day I spent with that one book that I'd love to throw out of the window...but I'm fine. And I gotta plan for me weekend problem. They'll all understand I guess...
what more... well imagine you find a photo and it all comes back to you?! Well it sure did when I saw this...


2 of september....a goodbye night at the wonderful quase-nada. I'd give a loooooooooot to be down in Puglia right now. Sitting at the bar of Ebbrodiblu and drink a nice Cuba libre...have my mates from there around...Roberta, Aurélie, Sabry and Ornella...and of course my little bro Matthias. But well....I'll have Uri-summer soon enough and that means at least windsurfing and maybe ....maybe.... Enough with maybe...I gotta get back to the book.

...are we actually only sitting in the audience and watch our life pass by? It seems as if my life would be changing right now...more than in the two months maybe... Some of it is slowly moving backwards...to how it used to be in the crappy old days I hardly wanna think about. I mean...me feeling less free and acting the same way...people suddenly appeared back and I swear I kinda had forgotten about them...they remind me of who I used to be...some parts of that Ra I'm still trying to get back..some of it I wanna leave behind. I'm just watching....and my life's also moving forwards. People are leaving, I can already see them gone even if there still here. I wish I could go out of this state I'm in right now...(which has not too much to do with having to study...I mean that's a fact but I'm also very much into this me against the world right now and I guess not everyone likes that..)
Maybe it's just time for a few changes? (Bummer that I changed the blog layout just some time ago...others seem to try it that way...) I could finally cut those bloody hair I guess...but you know... it would be a little bit like cutting of my tattoo...the NZ sun's still in those hair...
Anyway..I've been called a "very good person" today, eccezionale. Did I earn that? Or have I just shown her only the partly truth..who knows. Two people who I once called friends and maybe still do re-appeared in my life today. Thanks to them. They were a piece of reality in this grey day. I'm looking forward to all those marvelous things with you Peace! It's time we continue were we stop back then ;) And you..Wally number 1...I'm a bit worried about you...but I'm sure you're rocking those frogs :) That's it from me today... (that's for you!!! Hope we gonna sing it together again like in the good old days Mitchy!)



btw...never let a day pass without somebody who thinks you're crazy...it's worth it!!

Bisogna trovare il proprio sogno perché la strada diventi facile...
said good old Hermann Hesse...dreams. I'm constantly thinking about dreams now...1. one good friend's just lost his... he gave up more than most other people ever would for it...but it's broken apart now. And I wouldn't ask him if he thinks it was worth it...his answer would be yes. But what can we learn? Isn't the price, all the things we cannot do if we decide to follow a dream, to high?
2. Somebody else said yes to this question a while ago...and so she's constantly asking herself the bloody what if's... and she's crying tears for that lost dream, which might've still been possibile to safe...is it still possibile to safe it? If people have strong dreams like that...you're next to them but they mightn't even see you, because there's something of the missing.
3.What's the right choice then? Follow your dreams whatever that means for your life? I really see it now how "Life against Dream"'s a very strong reality. (And reality is everything that is or could be...Wittgenstein said and Rigotti..hmm ;)) A reality that hurts... I mean I'm not in the position to decide against life...would be stupid anyway. And I'm not so heartless to give up on everything I have believed in in those years...to want to achieve what I've been wishing for in all those years I can remember. So what do I do?! I tryna get both. Let's see how it works out.
4. There's always other dreams as well...and it kinda seems there's dreams that are so big that they don't work if you dream them alone, you need that other persons who dreams as well...with you. ...I'm gonna get back to studying...this is my break right now...my step out into the world...pretty sad.

uff...2008 has started...and I'm sick of studying already ;) I even like that stuff...well mostly...even the economics book's no bitch if you try...but my thoughts go wandering off all the time...are everywhere and nowhere... My brains creates crazy dialogs between whoever...so it doesn't need to concentrate... I'm a bit scared of certain things coming up...the usual..this might be a dissapoinment-stuff...because it would be me the dissapointing one there... Valais was wonderful... the good old ra was back...laughing and being happy...not thinking too much...not being too far away but there. Back home I met an old friend...and we talked and talked and talked...she reminded me on how diffrent people are...she's always been the total opposite... I feel that's she's no longer enviying me for how I am...I feel she - too- is trying to be free now...she looked good. You know...one day I wanna walk up to her and say... remember the hours at school we spent talking about philosophy, the human kind, life... how many of those stupid dreams will have come true?? I hope some my friend :)
Is there a time when we gotta decide certain things...for the better of it? To leave some little pieces of yourself behind and being able to move on? That sucks. I'm not ready to loose pieces again... I'm afraid that some day I'll be pale and transparent, without any life... fuck...studying kills you ;) But it's great at the same time...

Aristotele said: il principio della filosofia è la meraviglia. E poi c'è scritto anche: un scienziato sa meravigliarsi.

I'm trying...all the time not to be blind for the little things... (I got a wonderful Xmas present for example..thanks!)
So here some things I was amazed by (hmm?!) while studying today in a forbidden place ;)...

Il "dato" immediato dell'iceberg è la parte che emerge dall'acqua, quella che si vede. [...] La scienza si incarica di costruire questo collegamento razionale fra dato e fatto elaborando dei modelli, cioè delle rappresentazioni del fatto che lo descrivano e lo spiegano. [...] La modalità tipica secondo la quale l'esperienza ci interpella, cioè diventa per noi problema, è la sua "assurdità".

Una buona definizione di comunicazionista sarebbe quella di "specialista nel conoscere l'esperto di comunicazione che sempre è riscontrabile tra sé, la propria cultura e il destinatario . L'esperto di comunicazione è per definizione anti-razzista, anti-particolarista e anche anti-nazionalista (nel senso deteriore del termine "nzionalismo"), egli è anzi capace non solo di assoluto rispetto, ma di positivo riconoscimento e quasi di venerazione nei confronti della differenza. ..

la comunicazione riuscita è quella che cambia...

(dal petit prince): Que veux-tu dire ?

- Les gens ont des étoiles qui ne sont pas les mêmes. Pour les uns, qui voyagent, les étoiles sont des guides. Pour d'autres elles ne sont rien que de petites lumières. Pour d'autres qui sont savants elles sont des problèmes. Pour mon businessman elles étaient de l'or. Mais toutes ces étoiles-là se taisent. Toi, tu auras des étoiles comme personne n'en a...

- Que veux-tu dire ?

- Quand tu regarderas le ciel, la nuit, puisque j'habiterai dans l'une d'elles, puisque je rirai dans l'une d'elles, alors ce sera pour toi comme si riaient toutes les étoiles. Tu auras, toi, des étoiles qui savent rire !

Et il rit encore.

- Et quand tu seras consolé (on se console toujours) tu seras content de m'avoir connu. Tu seras toujours mon ami. Tu auras envie de rire avec moi. Et tu ouvriras parfois ta fenêtre, comme ça, pour le plaisir... Et tes amis seront bien étonnés de te voir rire en regardant le ciel. Alors tu leur diras: "Oui, les étoiles, ça me fait toujours rire !" Et ils te croiront fou. Je t'aurai joué un bien vilain tour...

Et il rit encore.

- Ce sera comme si je t'avais donné, au lieu d'étoiles, des tas de petits grelots qui savent rire...

Et il rit encore. Puis il redevint sérieux:

- Cette nuit... tu sais... ne viens pas. :)


Il principio [di buona volontà] è talmente forte che siamo immediamente disposti a cercare le interpretazioni più inversimili, pur di non attribuire al nostro interlocutore la responsabilità di aver proferito un testo insensato.

Tutto questo preso dal libro di Comunicazione verbale...ed è vero ciò che ha detto Aristotele...mi ricordo tutto ciò che mi meravigliava...ed è solo così che imparerò finalmente ad imparare...But this here...was my answer of today...for the sometimes striking up question...Am I at the right spot here....I guess I am. I hope I am. I know I am (most of the time).

Here... some more stuff..this time (just to include that one as well...the economics book ;))

Toglietevi i vestiti - nel luogo e nel momento appropriato, naturalmente - e guardate.... ;)

haha...that's it for now from a very confused me.

Tomorrow I'm leaving for the Valais...finally I'm getting away a bit ;) It's gonna be good...a god start for the new year...in some horoscope I read that this year a whole bloody lot of good things are gonna happen (one of them: ra's finally gonna grow up...who knows.. ;) ) but I gotta watch my weight *smile*...piroscafo will be born at some stage I hope *haha*...
I can feel things changing right now...I heared today..."just because you feel like you just woke up"...and I guess it's right...I have to get my pieces together and 2008 might be the right time to do so... I be reliable again, be on time (yeah!!) and there and so on.. I wanna get myself to study enough and do more sports...f*** I'm already making my plans here... Looking forward to the new years eve dream...it's gonna come true in the upcoming year...so I wanna dream some good stuff..maybe about leaving again...getting to know some new places...who knows...
today was about realizing certain things...and yeah I guess I finally got there... I was kinda hoping that you'll take over my part when I don't feel like doing it anymore...but this is no stupid story... and impossible does exist. It has to, it's the only way that we can possibly fight it...
Happy new year to everyone...take care ;)

Maybe I’ll get there to translate the story of the tightrope walker….called “gli equilibristi”…just to describe some certain feelings that I find pretty stupid… what if you only fight with someone? What about “friends” who aren’t there if you need them? What about admitting to be hurt? What about fear? don’t know…but maybe the tightrope walkers do…

(I've lost that bloody story...but I might come back some day...)

Today we put up our Christmas tree…yes we do have one… didn’t expect it. Bt it’s ok I guess to have one… I put on the electric lights and arranged the crib….(I’m sure we’re the only ones who have one of the kings riding on a giraffe and the other two being women) It’s Christmas and so there’s some presents there too… I’m happy though to break the circle of family Christmas at home with food and opening presents…it kinda felt strange the last years with me and my bro being too old to explain in the “because of the children”-way… This year I’m doing something positive I feel, a bit of family on the second day and that’s it. Today I’ll have an ice cream and I’ll finally get my personality back. After having been Rahel Z. for a while I’m more than happy to return to being Rahel A. (if you think this is crazy…it’s not…did you get any unusual txt messages from me lately?!) Yes…we’ll re-exchange our mobile phones…Fact is…it’s not the first time I’ve been her (at least in that very substantial and mobile-phone-relationship-shallownessy-way) and she’s been me. This time I missed all the calls…it’s the best when people don’t even recognise there not speaking to her but to me… But it’s sure time to change back…and I sure do feel like an ice cream.
I’m home and for the first time it’s not like for a weekend but for a couple more days… I’m not really comfortable with it, I mean having someone who tells you what to do is kinda annoying. Anyway… there’s other points.. I feel like back in my childhood.. (I’m twenty now, officially my childhood should be over..right?) hearing stuff I don’t even wanna know because I can hear my mom talking about it on the phone… I don’t feel like oppressing anything.... But at the same time I’m absorbing the climate here in Uri, pretty cold. Exept in my dreams where certain people constantly visit me… without leaving any messages of course… or maybe I’m too bloody stupid to read between the lines…or too afraid.
That’s about it…tomorrow’s December 24… and gesù bambino will bring some presents I guess. Still like the idea more than Santa Clause… I mean what’s about’im? That could be the beginning of a whole long speech about why Xmas sucks.. I won’t do it. No… I won’t… coz it can also be about being safe and secure…about warmth (especially in the coldest place on that f***** planet…our house) so just get it that way…and of course take my best wishes…. MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Oh I forgot to mention some things… firstly…last night Christmasparty in Altdorf… I enjoyed myself…wasn’t Christmas like anyway. A lot of people I knew…but nobody who actually annoyed me just be being there…maybe I just didn’t care much. Dancing, had a couple of beers talked to some people…and then walking all the way home with Isa…like in the good old days….midnight (a bit later though) snack…a good day!

And secondly…I already got my fav. Christmas present of that I’m sure…it’s a little bag of self dried plums…nothing to go crazy about… but that’s not the point…it’s about the spirit of Christmas as I’m being told right now… and for me it’s sharing some happiness with someone…without spending a fortune but by paying attention…yeah…I’ll not repeat my column here…anyway the present…what I loved about it is the card….telling me that something I wrote made a difference for that person, made her happy. And I gotta say that I hardly know her. I felt so good right there, happy. It’s always wonderful if somebody knows the right words…and there sure are some people around me…some though don’t even try to say the right thing and prefer saying something rather stupid….most of the time… anyway…thanks for the plums!!!

Lastly; I wonder actually why I don’t like Christmas…too commercial obviously…and the point is….I’m not religious and this is about religion. So why should I be allowed to celebrate? I got that cute star with a bible quote on it the other day…handmade…and it’s made me entirely sad. I’m sure about my attitude towards the church…but sometimes…just for a tiny little moment…I feel as if those over there…them who go to church and get out of it with a bright smile…they share a secret…and I forgot about it on the way.




that's how it looks like..the tree's tiny and that's how it always looked...traditional one could say ;) ...but watch out for the black sheep!

and we keep on eating ;) chinese, southamerican, indian, italian, swiss... there's a loooot of food to choose from *smile*....

first exam coming up this week...it's kinda frightening but not much... slept 11 hours last night...was exhausted from not sleeping for days, or weeks? or months? And by the way...Christmas is coming!

Enrolled for my exams today...and in two weeks my first semester at university's history... How the hell did that happen?! ...


Something's missing here...

haha....monday's html day right now...and I'm still working...soon it'll at least be my own page...now it's just stupid stuff...but well...at least I'm working for university..right?! ;)