Oh shit...maybe I'm supersticious..wouldn't that be horribile? I mean, ok imaginary friends, voices, stupid habits, up in clouds and all....but supersticious?? Yes...anyway...tomorrow too I will not go to that next bloody exam without

1. Rangitahiwai 2. Franco 3. My SUPER-RA shirt...

is that so bad? I mean it gives me confidence somehow. It's good that I once went to a Cambridge exam and left that stuff at home..fucking afraid...but passed. Still...I'm not gonna try the next days... So far it's going ok, some fear has fallen of from me, just three to go...
I'll miss it a lot to have some kind of family..I mean all the people eating with us right now...people walking in and out as if it would be normal...and that in our small as flat... We laught a lot, makes us think about other stuff...there's a life apart from Uni...we just don't remember where to look for it exactly...
Today I got invited for something I haven't yet decided about... I mean it's kinda and invitation to go back to my personal hell. Might just as well do it though... I've become somebody else anyway...a little bit. I can face my demonds now. Maybe it'll help me find out about certain things...
The other day I found a piece of something I wrote during summer...it stroke me like I dont know what... here it is...

Forse si deve solamente smettere a respirare. Senza respiro non si riesce a pensare, non sie riesce neanche a provare qualcosa, soffrire. Ma forse si vuole capire che qualcosa fa male, che non tutto va bene, per capire che si è vivi. Per rendersi conto che ci sono anche delle cose che sono giuste, belle. Che si può essere felice anche se si ha un campo di battaglia dentro di se. Può darsi che il cuore ti racconta delle bugie o non è talmente sincero. Il cuore ama le storie. Comunque forse siamo anche noi che non siamo pronti per ascoltare quello che ci racontano le nostre cuori...?! Ci sono delle cose ad accetare e forse anche delle cose a dimenticare...
So...that's how I thought back then and now???

Today I'd say... if heart battles against head...belly will win.

Things tend to turn out very much diffrent from what we imagine them, maybe even wish them to be....so what?! Get up, get out...summer's coming back. And summer...that's the time to be fucking happy...