The other day my flatmate said: "at the moment my life feels like a fucking soap opera...but today...it kinda turned into a sitcom"... so basically we created the concept for "Foolia...Wege ins Unglück" and I think it would be a great success... except that I should maybe bring in some stories too... well I guess I'd rather start in a months when this year's really over... but somehow it is, already now. Last class today and I don't feel anything at all. It's just a matter of fact... I'm sitting here all numb and not even look forward to go over to the neighbours, I'm just not caring much...but could also be I'm just tired...too tired.
Still I might look back on that year which still managed to change my life into a pretty important direction...which seems to be crucial for my future. And as I look back on what I expected my life to be here, I'm happy with it. I got great friends, I couldn've imagined it to be like that...(and I got good friends back home and all around...who make sure a I get heaps of postcards and letters ;) )I don't like many of the people in my class...but that don't matter actually...I'm still seen as the strange one by many people, but that only means that Uri is not so diffrent from the rest of the world. I do sports nearly every day...Lugano sometimes presents you new faces, smells and experiences and I think that I still want to have a lot of that... and I might just bring back the last words of the professor yesterday...she said: "Aim high"..

how can you possibly forget something that means the world to you? And by not being somebody it clearly has some advantages... I'm talking about windsurfing. It seems as if during the past months, this crazy year down south I havn't had time to long for the water, the wind, the waves. But now I'm sitting here back home and my whole body's sore from yesterdays action and it makes me incredibly happy to have rediscovered my passion. I was working here on my computer when I got picked up by a friend and we went directly down to the lake...have a look around, greet the people, get ya stuff ready, put the wetsuit on (still have no shoes and only short sleeves...kinda chilly!) and off you go. This summer's gonna be great...work and surf. (that kinda sounds like last year...but it's gonna be all diffrent I think...)
This was the only thing I allowed myself to do, I'm studying n working and I'm kinda far away from the real world...but this hype's gonna be over in about a month....and it's gonna keep on raining in Lugano...so no need to create spare time :)

...but so alive.
It's as if I'd need 100hour days right now... I'm just not getting anywhere with anything. I wanna chill and go out in the sun...run, scream, enjoy the summer. I wanna swimm, play sports, get blond hair (;))...but actually I'd need to work, read and study. It sucks. Three jobs is a lot plus the volunteer stuff...but no, it's not too much. I'm happy that my life's full of things... full of moments and people... oh and I'm sorry that I'm not always there and around, some people might think I'm gone but I'm just a bit more invisible at the moment.
Good things on my mind?! Heaps! NZ is very much alive at the moment, after the AFS camp (which was just great...I like being the boss, but most of all I like reading reactions into people's faces, seeing them getting to know themselves, seeing them being interested in what you wanna teach them...)
The Sarah Bettens concert was just great... the curly girl of course...and seeing Sarah on the roof and at the river was pretty cool. The songs have been some kind of a support during past months and we might even sing one of them...3...11 or who knows...
I came back after the weekend with a lot of enthusiasm, power and will. To get away from this bloody computer and go out in the world...I'm working on it ;)

I wanna sleep...I'd need to work another hour to get to an end with it...I should I should... This summer I'll work and hopefully I'll have time to surf...to spend time with Levi, with people I seldom see right now...and to go the Lido and sing with the Luisgafe - Band ;)

coz my wall came down today and I thought...this is when the wall comes down ;)

Last summer stops only now that the new one starts...wonder if it holds surprised like the last one... what's for sure now, it has begun...a wonderful day at the lido and later "Novecento" as a theatre...just great! Michelle was round which was fun and well...time's running out for too many thing and all I wanna do...is chill.


"for a minute there I lost myself"..."isn't it ironic?"
Gabri, Luisga, Ra, Mitchy and Fe in the sun.

uffa...outside there's a nice storm going on...I like lightenings very much....dunno why...this spring is pretty aweful as far as the weather goes though, today I'm happy with it anyway. When you're suddenly called to come and play some soccer and it's pooring down outside...that what I call being alive :) Everything was soaked afterwards, but it was my favourite game of soccer I've played until now I think...then watched Chelsea-Liverpool, made a new Jenga-record..(and lost three times!) and well...had to make the pizza in the end. Walking home with Fe, barefoot was nice too...
well except that I'm kinda afraid of the upcoming months, three jobs, the volunteer stuff, friends and well...exams (since I'm gonna have to do even the psicology one...what a shame!!!) but there'll be a chillin evening at my good old lake soon I'm sure. And I'll meet the little prince, Levi :) anyway gotta finish that sentence before....except....I'm actually pretending very well to be fine.

Today I broke my Hei matau....I always said to myself, once it's broken I'll go back. I can't go back to Aotearoa right now...but my longing to being there is growing with each day...it's the place of my dreams, as simply as that...
I'm planning for my future now..but plans sometimes are nothing more than plans...as I'm most probably gonna have to wait another year before I can go to Paris for example... I like Lugano (and I hate it at the same time) that's not even the point...but I'm not yet ready to be in a place for too long. I'm feeling naked...I really miss my amulet, my protector (you can call me supersticious now...)
As the second semester goes on without noticing it, I'm doing sports, working, trying not to loose contact with my friends, I read when I find the time, I discover new music, I'm actually living...and summer's right out there so I guess I can only put a bright smile on my face...but well...
Now it's time to go to bed..tomorrow morning Pancake-Breakfast with my flatmates...yummie!!

The elections in Uri last weekend have changed nothing...not for the better, maybe for the worse. I can say that I'm not happy about it... most of all because I know of most people there that they don't vote... but most of them see their future in Uri, so isn't that contraditory?!
This weekend, Ticino and most of all: Italy. I'm scared about what supposably is gonna happen... people I know go voting, I don't know anyone who would vote for B. but people will, who are those people? What do they think? I mean B. is a very good example for our lessons...Quote: "Well...in Europe we have less problems with deformation of the truth and manipolation made by the government....ok...well except B. of course..who says something and the next day something else, or said it had been a joke, it was directed only to a certain group and so on.." which is just one of the example of his presence troughout this week...(and I might have to say...not mentioned by swiss people who think they know it all...but italians) What I'm worried about too is the whole "Aborto, No Grazie" movement...I mean how come people want to take a bit step back in time? Of course there was a lot of women who went on the street for their right, I noticed that on my trips to Italy in the last months...

but a fact is that those believes all around...Italy. Let's hope and see...what's for sure is, chi non vota , ha già perso.


At the same time I'm kinda lost inside a bunch of decisions... make some people angry with my stubborn stupidness... making myself angry with not expressing what I actually feel and think... trying to shake me awake once and forever.
(take'im and shake'im and try to awake'im...)

Coming back to Uri things are always a bit diffrent, a bit more simple. People get kids, people die...and I realize that sometimes I got lost somewhere far beyond reality. It's good to be home I guess. And tomorrow I'll cut my hair.

AFS weekend...and as always I'm feeling like I gain something just by passing time with those people...my AFS family...
in reality...of course I thought from time to time what I'm actually doing there...sometimes I'm sick of the stories...but then we play some game and suddenly I feel like it's good being kids from time to time ;) Actually I also learn something with AFS, being responsible for 30 people as I will be in a couple of weeks, teaching, talking about my experience, playing theatre ;)
The most incredible experience was though, being around Corinne again and just continue where we stopped last time... It was no wonder that we were continiously asked if we come from the same place...we didn't seem like two people who've met 4 times in their live. I do think that with some people you just connect, you understand each other without words...you look at each other and laugh :) It was just incredibly funny, thanks the girls from Zurich for a not so serious weekend...

and since AFS is about it and it's a nice idea:
Friendship lead to understanding, understanding lead to peace.
http://www.exchanges4peace.org --> feel free to sign the petition.


btw and out of context:

esposa = moglie, esposas = manette --> a discovery by Fe, I guess that says it all ;)