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Im falschen Wörtermeer

Rahoroi — 2008-07-20T17:31:00Z

Zivilcourage und anderes tägliches Wunschdenken,
durch A. zu spazieren heisst genau gekannte Winkel zu durchqueren...heisst sich nicht so sehr wundern, heisst Menschen sehen, erkennen, nicht benennen können. Durch Altdorf gehen und sich trotzdem wieder mal überaschen lassen, das ist das Ziel. Hier zu sein, lösst in meinem Innern eine bereits bekannt scheinende Einsamkeit oder gar Verlassenheit aus, doch mit starkem Hang zum Freiheitsdrang, jener hier momentan aufs Stärkste befriedigt, wenn da nicht die Stunden im Büro wären. An sich macht arbeiten Spass, doch kommt der Moment wo man mehr von sich erwartet, wo alles sich bereits gesehen anfühlt. Man wundert sich nur noch, werd ich je irgendwas zufriedenstellend finden? Das der Tag heute, jeden Tag eine gute Tat, heute Münzen aufgehoben für ne alte Frau... "Um Gottes willä gids nid"...hat sie gemeint und so ist der Franken nun mein...

Ein Blick sagt tausend Sachen. Doch man sei vor den Fragezeichen gewarnt, die sich unwiderruflich in deine Seele bohren und sich dort zu bahaupten Wissen. Auch Ausrufezeichen schwirren dir wie Schatten durch den Kopf und sehnen sich die Kommas in Punkte zu verwandeln.

Worte verdrehen. Ich mag es nicht, wenn meine synkopisch nachgestellten und mit Seele versetzten Texte misshandelt, umgewandelt werden. Meiner Fehler im äussersten bewusst, wage ich doch einen eigenen Stil zu erwägen. Was für eine Qual, zu arbeiten und Menschen mit Seelenfutter zu bedienen und das Niveau den selbigen anzupassen. Könnt ihr denn nicht folgen, wenn sich dort Fremdwörter einnisten?! Ich liebe Wörter deren Sinn ich nur erahnen mag, runzle gern die Stirn bei faszinierend Grossen Reden. Wenn mir einer Sache bewusst, dann das diese Faszination nicht schwindet. Nicht mit der Liebe zu ihr, nicht mit neuen Träumen. Und auch das Herz hat wieder zu hüpfen gewagt, kleine Sprünge, klitzekleine Sprünge und trotzdem. Wie dieses neu erwachte Sehnen Kraft verleihen kann, zeigt mein Muskelkater heute.

Wenn täglich meiner Worte Ertrag mich nähren würd, so wär dies ferner noch dem Traum als oft gedacht. Denn für wen sie ihren Glanz auch in Fülle entfalten, dahingestellt, doch was wenn Anpassung verlangt, Kompromisse erwünsch sind?! Schwindend klein die Chance auf Akteptanz der Kunst in einer Welt wo die Tage Geschichte schreiben wollen und deswegen keiner Platz hat sie auf seine Weise darzulegen. Wenn heute Atomunfälle passieren und wir den gleichen Fehler, wenn auch vielleicht so gesehen erst in heut noch jungen ungeborenen Augen, wieder zu begehen wagen. Wer weiss wie das alles ausgeht. Doch ich schaff's nicht die Augen einfach zu zu kneifen um dem unausweichlich grossen Grau nicht in Angesicht gegenüberstehen zu müssen - denn Realismus ist heutzutage Volkskrankheit.

a perfect day...

Rahoroi — 2008-07-16T20:51:00Z

they do exist those perfect days...they do exist. I had a day off today...and the weather couldn't have been better. So I slept in, try to do some of the points on the list my mom left me... I had lunch in the garden, had a little nap in the fresh cut grass and just enjoyed my freedom. Then picked up my bro at the trainstation and went to the lake. Everyone was there. Three perfect hours on the lake, with my new mast (made it Italy..but awesome!! hihi) then... rushed down to the lake (ok doesn't make sense, but other spot let's say...) and met some good old friends for a freestyle-bbq.. (i'll put a photo here soon ;)) We had just a great time ,got all dirty and ate a loot!! That's one of those days...just perfect.

work..work and work.

Rahoroi — 2008-06-30T20:23:00Z

Uri's a bit too much at times, but I guess one can get used to it.

Today I have a day off..it's awesome! I went grocery - shopping and stuff like that. Even though I'm always trying to do something in the evening after the newspaper job / the waitress job I'm usually tired... The last days brought some nice moment anyway.... stormriding aka "the search" with my brother and a friend, chilling, eating indian food (with our hands of course) with Flo and then watching another strange movie I'm still wondering about now... I also did a bit of drawing, went to a dinner at my cousins with my brother (and saw the little prince!)...
Writing for the newspaper is mostly fun. I mean I even think I can learn something there. It seems I'm working a lot, I'm usually exhausted but I can do a lot of diffrent things and even have quite some responsability...which means it stresses me even more ;) But I'm proud of reading my name on top of an article.
Got nearly all marks for my exams... they bring me a bit closer to future dreams, whatever they may be...
Tonight Isa and Luisga will come up...finally a bit of change :)

...that's it...

Rahoroi — 2008-06-25T15:57:00Z

well... one year at uni's over. I'm no longer amongst the freshmen ;)

A lot happend in this year...I agreed to some major changes... I moved out at home, my first flat, my first flatmates, a new language, a new canton, a new life. I kinda started to think about what I wanna do in my future (and even think I'm starting to find some kind of an answer...) I found a bunch of new friends and made this city make me feel at home...I also lost a lot of people on the way..said goodbye, or didn't even say goodbye...
I think I can say that Lugano's good, a lot of people complain...I don't understand why...if you want to enjoy this place..you sure can!
I'm in front of two months working in Uri...
J. said...looks like you're moving out forever ;)

Now I'm here and already I am sure that I am not yet ready to be here all happy and all... The old wounds are still there, saw my old school, didn't feel anything. I know I didn't fit here very well in the past, how should I fit here now?? But maybe it's a question of wanting to...and I do want to, somehow...a little bit, I guess...

sowhere in the sense of time...

Rahoroi — 2008-06-09T19:08:00Z

Strange days those passing by right now... I'm sitting here with the 3. cuppa tea and cannot actually concentrate on whatever it is I should study. I have learnt that it might seem the most important and horrible thing on earth...but for the rest of the world it just goes on like that... I can hear the fans of the italian team in the bar around the corner... I wouldn't miss no goal at least acousticly... EM or whatever you wanna call it while we're doing exams...bad luck I guess.
The whole story of that one particular game where I was sure on the wrong side...finished with my team winning triumphically... and Ticino showed it's face for once: fireworks and cars on the street :) anyway...if I win I'll go to the Netherlands ...I promised Caro today :) Twas too much saying goodbye today for me. I played Twister the whole afternoon and changed left and right a million times ;) I'll miss my little angel!
Just got a text from an old friend back home who wants to watch soccer with me...well gotta do another 5 exams first... and then I'll go and get me some...

get me some

sitting here too long, too long
drawing lines on my face
i swear im gonna blow this town
gonna pack my suitcase
theres a whole lot of living
that i havent done
gonna go and get me some

so where you gonna go, when you gonna go
how you gonna get there?
with your blue jeans on
and your head full of no idea
and you paint quite a silhouette
walking into the setting sun
on your way to get you some, youre singing...

im free, im free
when the sun shines down on me

to the ends of the earth now
tell me what you think youre gonna find
everything youre looking for
is somewhere in the back of your mind
and nothings any different
when everything is said and done
but youre still out to get you some, singing...

im free, im free
when the sun shines down on me

all hopes and dreams
no money no means
no permanent address
you got holes in your shoes,
holes in your pockets
and your heart in a mess
and who you gonna blame now
that everything has come undone
you had to go and get you some
youre still singing...

im free, im free
when the sun shines down on me

(the waifs)

...so sehr dabei...

Rahoroi — 2008-05-29T19:07:00Z

The other day my flatmate said: "at the moment my life feels like a fucking soap opera...but today...it kinda turned into a sitcom"... so basically we created the concept for "Foolia...Wege ins Unglück" and I think it would be a great success... except that I should maybe bring in some stories too... well I guess I'd rather start in a months when this year's really over... but somehow it is, already now. Last class today and I don't feel anything at all. It's just a matter of fact... I'm sitting here all numb and not even look forward to go over to the neighbours, I'm just not caring much...but could also be I'm just tired...too tired.
Still I might look back on that year which still managed to change my life into a pretty important direction...which seems to be crucial for my future. And as I look back on what I expected my life to be here, I'm happy with it. I got great friends, I couldn've imagined it to be like that...(and I got good friends back home and all around...who make sure a I get heaps of postcards and letters ;) )I don't like many of the people in my class...but that don't matter actually...I'm still seen as the strange one by many people, but that only means that Uri is not so diffrent from the rest of the world. I do sports nearly every day...Lugano sometimes presents you new faces, smells and experiences and I think that I still want to have a lot of that... and I might just bring back the last words of the professor yesterday...she said: "Aim high"..

the love of my life ;)

Rahoroi — 2008-05-25T07:51:00Z

how can you possibly forget something that means the world to you? And by not being somebody it clearly has some advantages... I'm talking about windsurfing. It seems as if during the past months, this crazy year down south I havn't had time to long for the water, the wind, the waves. But now I'm sitting here back home and my whole body's sore from yesterdays action and it makes me incredibly happy to have rediscovered my passion. I was working here on my computer when I got picked up by a friend and we went directly down to the lake...have a look around, greet the people, get ya stuff ready, put the wetsuit on (still have no shoes and only short sleeves...kinda chilly!) and off you go. This summer's gonna be great...work and surf. (that kinda sounds like last year...but it's gonna be all diffrent I think...)
This was the only thing I allowed myself to do, I'm studying n working and I'm kinda far away from the real world...but this hype's gonna be over in about a month....and it's gonna keep on raining in Lugano...so no need to create spare time :)

Too much...

Rahoroi — 2008-05-14T21:34:00Z

...but so alive.
It's as if I'd need 100hour days right now... I'm just not getting anywhere with anything. I wanna chill and go out in the sun...run, scream, enjoy the summer. I wanna swimm, play sports, get blond hair (;))...but actually I'd need to work, read and study. It sucks. Three jobs is a lot plus the volunteer stuff...but no, it's not too much. I'm happy that my life's full of things... full of moments and people... oh and I'm sorry that I'm not always there and around, some people might think I'm gone but I'm just a bit more invisible at the moment.
Good things on my mind?! Heaps! NZ is very much alive at the moment, after the AFS camp (which was just great...I like being the boss, but most of all I like reading reactions into people's faces, seeing them getting to know themselves, seeing them being interested in what you wanna teach them...)
The Sarah Bettens concert was just great... the curly girl of course...and seeing Sarah on the roof and at the river was pretty cool. The songs have been some kind of a support during past months and we might even sing one of them...3...11 or who knows...
I came back after the weekend with a lot of enthusiasm, power and will. To get away from this bloody computer and go out in the world...I'm working on it ;)

I wanna sleep...I'd need to work another hour to get to an end with it...I should I should... This summer I'll work and hopefully I'll have time to surf...to spend time with Levi, with people I seldom see right now...and to go the Lido and sing with the Luisgafe - Band ;)

coz my wall came down today and I thought...this is when the wall comes down ;)

dr summer isch da!!

Rahoroi — 2008-05-04T17:36:00Z

Last summer stops only now that the new one starts...wonder if it holds surprised like the last one... what's for sure now, it has begun...a wonderful day at the lido and later "Novecento" as a theatre...just great! Michelle was round which was fun and well...time's running out for too many thing and all I wanna do...is chill.

"for a minute there I lost myself"..."isn't it ironic?"
Gabri, Luisga, Ra, Mitchy and Fe in the sun.

...maledetta primavera...

Rahoroi — 2008-04-30T23:35:00Z

uffa...outside there's a nice storm going on...I like lightenings very much....dunno why...this spring is pretty aweful as far as the weather goes though, today I'm happy with it anyway. When you're suddenly called to come and play some soccer and it's pooring down outside...that what I call being alive :) Everything was soaked afterwards, but it was my favourite game of soccer I've played until now I think...then watched Chelsea-Liverpool, made a new Jenga-record..(and lost three times!) and well...had to make the pizza in the end. Walking home with Fe, barefoot was nice too...
well except that I'm kinda afraid of the upcoming months, three jobs, the volunteer stuff, friends and well...exams (since I'm gonna have to do even the psicology one...what a shame!!!) but there'll be a chillin evening at my good old lake soon I'm sure. And I'll meet the little prince, Levi :) anyway gotta finish that sentence before....except....I'm actually pretending very well to be fine.

hiahia haere...

Rahoroi — 2008-04-23T21:17:00Z

Today I broke my Hei matau....I always said to myself, once it's broken I'll go back. I can't go back to Aotearoa right now...but my longing to being there is growing with each day...it's the place of my dreams, as simply as that...
I'm planning for my future now..but plans sometimes are nothing more than plans...as I'm most probably gonna have to wait another year before I can go to Paris for example... I like Lugano (and I hate it at the same time) that's not even the point...but I'm not yet ready to be in a place for too long. I'm feeling naked...I really miss my amulet, my protector (you can call me supersticious now...)
As the second semester goes on without noticing it, I'm doing sports, working, trying not to loose contact with my friends, I read when I find the time, I discover new music, I'm actually living...and summer's right out there so I guess I can only put a bright smile on my face...but well...
Now it's time to go to bed..tomorrow morning Pancake-Breakfast with my flatmates...yummie!!

chi non vota ha già perso...

Rahoroi — 2008-04-11T12:03:00Z

The elections in Uri last weekend have changed nothing...not for the better, maybe for the worse. I can say that I'm not happy about it... most of all because I know of most people there that they don't vote... but most of them see their future in Uri, so isn't that contraditory?!
This weekend, Ticino and most of all: Italy. I'm scared about what supposably is gonna happen... people I know go voting, I don't know anyone who would vote for B. but people will, who are those people? What do they think? I mean B. is a very good example for our lessons...Quote: "Well...in Europe we have less problems with deformation of the truth and manipolation made by the government....ok...well except B. of course..who says something and the next day something else, or said it had been a joke, it was directed only to a certain group and so on.." which is just one of the example of his presence troughout this week...(and I might have to say...not mentioned by swiss people who think they know it all...but italians) What I'm worried about too is the whole "Aborto, No Grazie" movement...I mean how come people want to take a bit step back in time? Of course there was a lot of women who went on the street for their right, I noticed that on my trips to Italy in the last months...

but a fact is that those believes all around...Italy. Let's hope and see...what's for sure is, chi non vota , ha già perso.

At the same time I'm kinda lost inside a bunch of decisions... make some people angry with my stubborn stupidness... making myself angry with not expressing what I actually feel and think... trying to shake me awake once and forever.
(take'im and shake'im and try to awake'im...)

Coming back to Uri things are always a bit diffrent, a bit more simple. People get kids, people die...and I realize that sometimes I got lost somewhere far beyond reality. It's good to be home I guess. And tomorrow I'll cut my hair.

...for peace...

Rahoroi — 2008-04-06T17:01:00Z

AFS weekend...and as always I'm feeling like I gain something just by passing time with those people...my AFS family...
in reality...of course I thought from time to time what I'm actually doing there...sometimes I'm sick of the stories...but then we play some game and suddenly I feel like it's good being kids from time to time ;) Actually I also learn something with AFS, being responsible for 30 people as I will be in a couple of weeks, teaching, talking about my experience, playing theatre ;)
The most incredible experience was though, being around Corinne again and just continue where we stopped last time... It was no wonder that we were continiously asked if we come from the same place...we didn't seem like two people who've met 4 times in their live. I do think that with some people you just connect, you understand each other without words...you look at each other and laugh :) It was just incredibly funny, thanks the girls from Zurich for a not so serious weekend...

and since AFS is about it and it's a nice idea:
Friendship lead to understanding, understanding lead to peace.
http://www.exchanges4peace.org --> feel free to sign the petition.

btw and out of context:

esposa = moglie, esposas = manette --> a discovery by Fe, I guess that says it all ;)

...heart of stone...

Rahoroi — 2008-04-02T23:41:00Z

another time I'm sitting hear and wait for the washing machine to finish ;) it's nearly 2 a clock in the morning and I'm in front of a milion things that I should and could still do tonight. I don't feel bad about having gone out tonight, at least it made me feel kinda all right. After having realized that one of my wheels has been stolen and then also had to buy a book I didn't want to for too much money...well then Badminton was good fun and had a great time at the etnic and then just listening to some music with the guys and a beer.

Le tue parole m'incantano ancora, traformano la realtà per un po'....quanto che so che è meglio non pensarci su...tanto non riesco a batterti fuori della mia testa...e oggi il pensiero a te e anche legitimato...buon compleanno libero!

still have to talk about my trip to Napoli here...sure will do soon...but before there's a AFS weekend in front of me...

...paralized heart instead of arm...

Rahoroi — 2008-03-13T18:34:00Z

uff...it's better I'm not going home tomorrow but to Lucerne where I'll meet Isa, Helen and Julia, maybe Lea... It's gonna be good being around them instead of feeling paralized eithere here or in Uri...then Sunday birthdayparty of my dad.
What's happend during the last days?! Last night I stayed up until 3.30 talking to Julia, midnight-beer which basically means "I need to talk"... it felt good, seeing the moon go down, kinda felt like waiting to see the sun go up as well... I mean sleeping is overrated. But then I went to bed anyway, not without writing some lines and not without reading Rimbaud for cooling me down a bit, getting me back to this world. Then last night's dream was a torture to wake up from. As dreams always do, it had made possibile was now even from my point of view seems impossible...
Today I was incredibly happy, given the circumstances of not feeling actually so good. But uni was cool, today was a very strange day as far as university goes. I spoke 3 times, two of whom not only like a couple of words...and I saw heads turning to face me, to see who's that who talks... It felt good, that's me...not bloody afraid of speaking in public. The voting with 16 story came up again, and we were in four (in a pretty large group) who went for it. The rest said no! I'm very surprised about that... I mean I'm and have been for quite a while convinced that it's a good idea... but as I used to think it's normal that my old class didn't agree with me...I thought people here are diffrent, more diffrent opinions and so on...But it's ok, I don't say I'm right there...you cannot know what's right...
Talking about Taboo's I got quite angry with a classmate of mine today... even though I didn't say or show anything... I cannot accept that opinion which I see as a personal violation of my freedom. But I guess at the moment's not the right moment to face those kinda questions...
Badminton was a crack up though, lost all my games today ;) They must've thought I'm even worse than usually, guess am only tired...

that says it all I guess...